New York Tyrant
Why This Book Is Important and Things I Like and Don’t Like About It, Plus Biographical Information About Me A Book Review of OK by KOOL AD
by Helen Schreiner
Why This Book Is Important and Things I Like and Don’t Like About It, Plus Biographical Information About Me
A Book Review of OK by KOOL AD
by Helen Marialuzia Reiner Good (aka Helen Schreiner)
I told her I’d do better and I told her I’d stop drinking and I told her I’d take better care of myself and I’d cut out all the shit like eating chicken wings every night by myself and drinking and we could eat like a family again. I told her I’d go to therapy and I said please Sarah please Sarah please, but then Sarah said no.
Sarah said, “I’ve been trying to get you to go to therapy for years. I’ve been begging you to stop for years. And all the molestation stuff that happened when you were a kid.”
I probably remind my old man of the woman he lost. So maybe that's why I always feel like I don't belong. And why he gives me so much space. I don’t know if it’s that that made me distant. Independent. But what I am sure of is that it makes leaving pretty easy.
In fact. I've been thinking about it for years. But where do I go? And how do I pay for food? So I've had to wait. Until after my 16th birthday. When the fighting with my dad's new wife gets to be too much. I just pack my bags.
And when I come through the kitchen. Shes standing there. She asks me where I think I'm going. I tell her the fuck out of here. That I can't take it anymore. That she's had it out for me since the day she moved in. Scared that I might remind my father of what he used to have.
People like to talk about the year ending
like it’s old fruit you can just toss out
Something that’ll decompose naturally
and painlessly into your yard
This is Western Thought at its finest
To hold something in your palm
and entertain the illusion
that you either need it or you don't
14 My first memory happened on a stairwell, and stairwells have had special resonance as meaningful sites for me ever since. I was three years old, maybe. The stairs were wide and thin, the kind with no back to the steps, just floating slats. It was sunny and the room was white and yellow, the stairwell of an apartment building. Mom was ahead of me, on the steps above, holding paper bags of groceries in both arms. I fell. I was belly down on the steps, and I could see through the emptiness behind and under us. I can see...
Emily says she would probably pee on another person during sex
but would not let the other person pee on her
and I tell her I’ve always felt that the person’s diet
seems important when thinking about it
and we make eye contact briefly
while crossing Hudson street
The sun is out
a few piles of snow remain from winter, pushed against the sidewalks
and I watch Emily begin to hold her sweater differently,
this time by draping it over her right forearm
- Nice to meet you - I, I can't remember if you gave me your name.
- Absolutely Mr. Ford, absolutely. So, you're closing in on eighty years old right now! You're really just hanging tight there aren't you? No more Mr. Leading Man I guess, I mean no, not unless you're leading a band of geriatric...
- I'm sorry, what paper did you say you were from?
- Absolutely. Listen, anyone ever call you Harry? Back in the day maybe, the good old days as they say.
- No, never.
- Three syllables are a bit much no? So, Harry tell me.
- Where's the camera? The notebook? Who's that man making a sandwich in my kitchen?
BUILD A LITTLE SHRINE FOR THE DEAD
I don’t use crystals because they’re magical but because they’re cold and heavy, oh,
I put a jar of honey in the middle
I don’t claim to know what I’m doing
A camera is a little cave
Where a spider lives. The photographer
Puts his eye to the cave’s mouth and
Pushes the button. The spider comes out and
Bites the eye, which swells, turning into
An organ of his dead body, which floats
Beside his living body. The eye is the heart
Of the dead body. This is how colors
Come to occupy the space
TanjaTanja says I am too controlled
Which is ironic because I was just saying I felt a real lack of control
In my life
“Your life is kind of claustrophobic,” she said
Or maybe I said that to her, about my life, and she agreed
“I don’t think it’s good for you to not talk to someone you want to talk to,” Tanja said.
She said, “I believe jealousy is 100% the responsibility of the jealous person.”
One stop car audio. An advertising jingle: a woman singing the words, One stop car audio. Digital editing extends the final syllable of the word audio, shifts the pitch to make it be six or eight syllables. O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. Eight syllables. I’m in the car, my mother’s car. Years later I’ll have my own car. My mother’s father will get confused, is it in reverse or is it in neutral. He only uses it to drive from their cottage to the dining hall, at their retirement community. Now a van will come take them to dinner. I’ll try to...
I went to work and put my feet up on the desk. I called her, and she didn’t pick up. I texted that I’d order something, some clothes or records or something, to be mailed to her. I asked if there’s anything she wanted from New York.
I started taking adderall to become a good person overnight
Like always being in the sun
All that's left to do is give up fear
lol good luck
My name is Xjdwliuerowuieriowueriuouoieuwoiruo, and I am bored of the spinning fields. Bored of the nowhere between nothing and the grasp of the planets my mother’s armies colonized for me to learn the face of death from. I have been alive for my whole life and no longer wish to be so easy to impress. I want a new doll with a new face that I can erase forever and still remember the next day.